Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
Tempo'rily lazy and permanently tired
A leg at ev'ry corner balancing his head
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed

Riley slyly said We've underrated it
Why not train it then they took a rag 
They rubbed it, scrubbed it
They oiled and embrocated it
Got it to the post and when the starter dropped his flag

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
Hogan, Logan and ev'ryone in town
Lined up attacking it and shoving it and smacking it
They might as well have tried to push the Town Hall down

The donkey was eyeing them
Openly defying them
Winking, blinking and twisting out of place
Riley reversing it
Ev'rybody cursing it
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race

The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch
They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch
Delaney lay exhausted, hanging round its throat
With a grip just like a Scotchman on a five pound note

Starter, Carter, he lined up with the rest of 'em
When it saw them, it was willing then
It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of 'em.
They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind again

And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it and shushing it
Hogan, Logan and Mary Ann Macgraw,
She started poking it, grabbing it and choking it
It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed Hee Haw

The whigs, the conservatives, the radical superlatives
Librerals and Tories they hurried to the place
Stood there in unity helping the community
The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race

The crowd began to cheer it then Rafferty, the judge
He came to assist them, but still it wouldn't budge
The jockey who was riding, little John MacGee
Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went to have his tea

Hagan, Fagan was students of psychology
Swore they'd shift it with some dynamite
They bought it, brought it, and without apology
The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the darn stuff out of sight

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it shushing it
Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew,
P'lice, and auxil'ary the Garrison Artillery
The Second Enniskillen's and the Life Guards too

They seized it and harried it,
They picked it up and carried it
Cheered it, steered it to the winning place

Then the Bookmakers drew aside
They all commited suicide
The day Delaney's donkey won the halfmile race.

